loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
