i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
