I cut my penus on the lid.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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