he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
