We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You may now shotgun with the bride
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Im part way to drunk.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
