it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
