this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
