Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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