What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
