So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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