ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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