I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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