i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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