Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
