He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
