I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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