I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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