My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize