What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
