That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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