Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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