We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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