I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
