we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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