This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
