problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
