My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
