I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
there is another microwave in the elevator.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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