I got chris browned last night
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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