for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
