At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
