Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
