I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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