i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He is an equal opportunity slut.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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