I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize