I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
