Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
