My hand turned me down
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
