White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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