I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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