NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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