Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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