I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize