these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
