4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
