I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
