What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
