Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
