I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
