i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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