Where did you get a picture of my penis
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize