I hate all girls vehemently.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
