i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
