if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
