the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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