spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
