I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
