I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
