If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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