He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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