3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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