Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
