my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
