this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
