you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sorry about my life...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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