he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
