he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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