why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She's the barista slut.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
