U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
