the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
