We named our party play list daddy issues
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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