Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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