I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
